Tag Archives: Television

Michelle Duggar Pregnant Again/Carrie Prejean Sues Miss California Pageant

I’m making this a twofer. Call it an homage to Snarkywood. “Celebrities I wish would just go away already.”

Let’s start with Michelle Duggar. Today, the Duggars announced the impending arrival of their 19th child. I have not the words to tell you just how selfish I find this type of behavior. First: My god, woman! A vagina is not a clown car! Second: how can one possibly expect to care for children you already have if one is constantly having new children? Kids need you to be a mom. Being a mom means more than simply popping out a fresh human every ten months or so. Kids need guidance and love and attention and above all, a mom who doesn’t have such a short attention span that she hands one baby off to her daughters to care for while she gets ready for the next. After a certain number, multiple births stand a real chance of killing a woman. Is reproducing so important to you that you’re willing to die to do it, leaving your children orphans?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for motherhood. I love my children desperately. I do not for a second question my impact on their lives. In fact, I know that impact is so deep, that I would question sending that kind of message to them.  Is that what you should be telling your daughters? Have babies, that’s all you’re ever meant to do? I know my girls well enough to know they have real plans for their lives. While children probably enter into those plans, they should never be shamed into giving up their dreams because someone tells them their ‘biological  (or religious) purpose’ is children.

And speaking of religious idiots: Carrie Prejean is back in the news. The former Miss California is seeking damages for “religious discrimination, slander, libel, public disclosure of private facts, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress.”

Give. Me. A break. The woman posed topless then lied about it on her pageant application, bilked the pageant itself for several thousand dollars to pay for her implants, generally acted like a prima donna about the entire damn gay marriage issue (own it, Carrie, you made a WAY bigger deal out of it than Perez ever dreamed) and then flat out refused to make good on her public appearance obligations. Know what this lawsuit is? Nothing more than the dying gasp of a famous for being famous celebrity that recognizes the end of her fifteen minutes.

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Sarah Palin is the New Paris Hilton.

I wish I was joking. The very last thing our country needs right now is another famous for being famous cult of personality that’s as vapid and clueless as Sarah Hilt..er, Palin, but the fact of the matter is the woman simply. Will not. Go. Away.

When I woke up on Wednesday, November 5th, I rather foolishly comforted myself with the naive thought that it was all over and Caribou Barbie would sink back into the obscurity from whence she came. Okay, there’s no need to look at me like that, I see I was being stupid. Clearly, national attention is like heroin to the woman; why else would she have started her own PAC less than a week after Obama took office? Or announce that she’ll be having dinner with the President? Or, FSM save us all, write a book? The last one is so deliciously ironic the jokes just write themselves. “I thought she only read magazines and newspapers.” “A book? Will it have a soft cover and cardboard pages?” My biggest concern is that no matter who they get to ghost it, it’s going to be so obviously doctored, there’s simply no WAY anyone will fall for the fiction that it’s in her own words. How can it be? I mean, you could probably get a FEW pages out of soundbites, but eventually you have to develop plot and characters, no? And the syllables! The poor tortured syllables! It ain’t right to do that to unsuspecting words.

I was SO angry when John McCain compared Obama to Paris Hilton. I thought unleashing that human STD back on an unsuspecting populace was one of the worst things he could do during his campaign. Ohhh, but that was before Sarah Palin. Infecting us with Paris as opposed to infecting us with Sarah? Sadly, there is no Vancomycin for television.

Dick Armey Is A Sexist Ass

This evening on Chris Matthews’ show Hard Ball, former House Majority Leader Dick Armey sunk to online ad hominem tactics by telling salon.com’s Editor in Chief Joan Walsh:

“Oh, Joan, give it a rest…”


At 5 min. 45 sec. into this video, and

“I’m so glad you could never be my wife, because I surely wouldn’t have to listen to that prattle coming out of your mouth every day. (laughs) You’re talking like a political hack, here…”

at 9min. 45sec.

Mr. Armey, I am truly relieved you are no longer a representative of my state or a member of the United States government. Your performance tonight was absolutely shameful. Your sexist remarks aside (and that’s a BIG aside), your attitude was hardly one of a professional politician willing to discuss policy, but more one of a threatened frat boy who could only respond with a “so’s your mother” joke because he simply couldn’t find an intelligent answer to your opponent’s charges.

It is this blogger’s considered opinion that Dick Armey should be uninvited from Hard Ball and other political round table discussions until such time as he is able to interact with others with the same amount of gravitas and respect due our current political situation as any other elected official. Mr. Armey was dismissive of relevant issues, waved away serious intelligent questions, and generally acted like a pompous self important ass whose word was above reproach and didn’t require actual facts.

Mr. Armey, you owe Joan Walsh an immediate, public apology. Your behavior was reprehensible, and you insulted 51% of the voting public by insinuating that any woman’s opinion that differs with yours is, by gender definition, inferior. You, sir, are a gas bag unworthy of the camera time you garnered.

Curious George Says Goodbye

Did you watch President Bush’s speech last night? I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to, desperately, but I reminded myself that history was being made. I was watching the end of the worst presidency in the history of our country. If for no other reason than to tell my children and grand children that I was there and was witness…I watched.

As I watched, something amazing happened. My outrage which has been worn down with many abuses lo, these past eight years, re-ignited. The man actually thinks he did a good job! Against all evidence to the contrary and mounting proof of misapplied policy and economic and societal disaster… the man still thinks he was right. My jaw hung open. The darling man shook his head and said he couldn’t believe we were actually sitting still for 15 minutes of such unmitigated tripe.

“Tonight I am filled with gratitude — to Vice President Cheney and members of my administration;…”

(“For buying the election for me and covering up all my mistakes…” “You’re incredibly sexy when you’re cynical, y’know?”)

“to Laura, who brought joy to this house and love to my life;..”

(“And never says a word in public that we don’t write for her…”)

“to our wonderful daughters, Barbara and Jenna;…”

(“For carrying on the proud family tradition of boozing their way through college and never actually using their brains…”)

“to my parents, whose examples have provided strength for a lifetime.”

(“Like how to be an uninvolved father and a petty, superstitious obnoxious self involved jerk, just like mom.” “Hey. Barbara’s not superstitious.” “OK, my mistake.”)

“You may not agree with some tough decisions I have made, but I hope you can agree that I was willing to make tough decisions.”

“WHAT?!” I screamed at the television. “What in hell are you TALKING about?! Of COURSE you were willing to make them; that’s the job! That doesn’t change the fact that they were WRONG decisions!” At this point I had to hold the remote over my head and wave it about to keep the darling man from changing the channel. “He’s on all the other channels too,” I said, pushing him away with the other hand. He finally backed off and let me get back to gaping at the monkey in a $5,000 suit pretending to be sincere.

“This evening, my thoughts return to the first night I addressed you from this house — September the 11th, 2001. That morning, terrorists took nearly 3,000 lives in the worst attack on America since Pearl Harbor.”

(“See!” the SO smirked, “Less than three minutes in and we’re already invoking 9/11. I should’ve run that farewell address bingo game, I woulda cleaned up!” “shut UP, I can’t hear…”)

“The battles waged by our troops are part of a broader struggle between two dramatically different systems. Under one, a small band of fanatics demands total obedience to an oppressive ideology, condemns women to subservience, and marks unbelievers for murder. The other system is based on the conviction that freedom is the universal gift of Almighty God, and that liberty and justice light the path to peace…..”

(“Which are we again?” “The freedom lovers, of course.” “But, they believe God’s on their side, too, I mean, jus…” “SHUTUP! This is history, dammit!”)

“This is the belief that gave birth to our nation. And in the long run, advancing this belief is the only practical way to protect our citizens. When people live in freedom, they do not willingly choose leaders who pursue campaigns of terror.”

(“I thought Hamas was elected democratically.” “Well, obviously, those people were tricked into doing that. What they should’ve done is had the ballot say ‘people the US and Israel approve of, and this other candidate here who’ll get your ass blown up.’ “)

“President Thomas Jefferson once wrote, “I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.” As I leave the house he occupied two centuries ago, I share that optimism. America is a young country, full of vitality, constantly growing and renewing itself. And even in the toughest times, we lift our eyes to the broad horizon ahead.”

(“Honey? Yer gonna smack your head on the ceiling fan. Stop standing on the bed. And stop screaming, he can’t hear you.” “I DON’T CARE! How DARE he quote Thomas Jefferson?” “Well, if it’s any consolation, he did it completely out of context.”)

“OMG! Honey! Check out BOB DOLE! Even HE doesn’t buy the shit Bush is shovelling!”

Bob Dole is aghast

Bob Dole is aghast

“Yeah, he looks like he’s about to burst out laughing…but he can always blame it on dementia.” “God, you’re such a bitch sometimes…” “Thanks. Now hush, I wanna hear the rest…”

“It has been the privilege of a lifetime to serve as your President. There have been good days and tough days. But every day I have been inspired by the greatness of our country, and uplifted by the goodness of our people. I have been blessed to represent this nation we love. And I will always be honored to carry a title that means more to me than any other – citizen of the United States of America. And so, my fellow Americans, for the final time: Good night. May God bless this house and our next President. And may God bless you and our wonderful country. Thank you.”

“Wow. He even got through it without stuttering.” “Yes, well, there had to be at least ONCE in his presidency that he managed to get all the way through a speech.” “NOW can we have sex?”

In reading* the address that moved me to spew half of my cherry Pepsi across the bedspread last night, I’m still amazed. He did everything but physically pat himself on the back. Not that I actually expected him to say anything, y’know, RELEVANT to anyone but himself…but it would have been good if he’d actually acknowledged the things this nation is facing as a direct result of his “leadership.”

At this point, I suppose all we can do is be grateful that it’s over and start rebuilding. Like New Orleans after Katrina, it will take our nation many, many years to rebound from Hurricane Curious George.

*You can find the transcript here.

Catherine Zeta-Jones=Dr. Who?

From this story in The Guardian.

First, let it be said that I am a loyal, even frothing, Whovian. I was more than slightly miffed to learn that Christopher Eccleston, quite possibly the sexiest Dr. Who ever, was being replaced by that guy who played Barty Crouch Jr in the Harry Potter movie. Okay, yes, I was proven wrong and all was well. Better than well, in fact, as David Tennant freakin’ ROCKS as the Doctor, and is now close to surpassing my all-time favorite Tom Baker for best Doctor.

Sound like a fan-girl? Yeah, I prolly do. I am devastated that the incredibly talented Mr. Tennant is leaving the show. He brought a depth and scope to the character that renewed the interest of me and countless other fans who had written the show off as long dead. Plus the writing was actually GOOD this time! *sigh*…. such is life. We are inexorably doomed to a rotating door; such is the nature of the Doctor himself.

But….Catherine Zeta-Jones? Really? Don’t get me wrong, I like the woman. Good actress, amazing dancer, just…well…THE Doctor? Meh.

The new head writer, Steven Moffatt, will be choosing the next Doctor. I am confident he’ll find the right person for the job. The episodes he’s written have really shone, especially Blink (he also created and wrote Coupling, another of my favorite Brit series). Choose wisely, Steven. The trust of us loony Whovians rests in your hands. 😉