Satisfy your lover! And other ridiculous internet myths

This is a big enough topic to be its own series. So while the atheism stuff will still be here, I’m going to concentrate on this for a bit, because it’s starting to annoy me. Fair warning: I am going to talk about sex in a fairly explicit, matter of fact manner. If that bothers you, you may want to stop reading now.

Okay. First and foremost: I am an educator for a rather well known community clinic that specializes in family and reproductive health. The following is excerpted from rather frank discussions with groups of women aged 16-45, as well as my own personal observations.

So there I was, stumbling around, looking through the adult pages, when I came across a site promising to improve the reader’s cunnilingus skills. “Interesting….” I thought, “let’s read on.” The article went on to advise foreplay. “So far so good…us women like foreplay….” But then it made a fatal mistake. It started talking about specifics. How to massage the clitoris, how to tease the labia, how to slowly introduce your mouth in the mix (not that that’s a bad thing, any of it!). So what’s the problem? you ask. Specifics are good. They tell us what we should be doing. Well, yes. They do. Unfortunately, they tell you what you should be doing for some women.

Here’s my objection to websites like this. Specifics are good. Unfortunately, they change from woman to woman. You want to know how to best please your lover orally? Seriously? Ask her (or him). No, not “what do you want,” because I know what you’re going to get back is a blush and silence. Some evening when you’re both relatively open to it, try a few different things. And each step of the way, ask “do you like it better when I do it like this…. or like this?” That’ll give you a way to adjust accordingly in the future. And keep doing that. Adjust your speed. Use one finger then two. Don’t just ask which she likes better, watch her reactions. Be patient. Be willing to learn. Be willing to recognize that, while you’re confident you can satisfy your lover, there may be ways you can satisfy her/him even more.

There is no magic technique. Each unique woman and man has their own tempo, their own combination. If it’s important enough to you to satisfy your lover, then it’s important enough to bear that in mind. People are not cookie cut outs. They’re individuals with individual likes, dislikes and turn ons. The best road to sexual nirvana is paved with trust and communication. Yes, there are some times where you “just know.” But don’t be discouraged if a little direction is needed. And remember the journey is at least half the fun.

To be continued.

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